Anniversaries

Today, my parents have been married for 38 years. Mum and dad hadn't been dating all that long before mum fell pregnant with me and it wasn't so much a shotgun wedding as a hurry along in their plans. I was born into a loving family and I was welcome and there was none of the grudge shit that some kids cop when their parents do things because of circumstances.

They still love each other very much and when my dad picks up my mum from work, they hold hands when they walk back to the car.

The relationship that my parents have has been a double edged sword for me. I grew up in a very loving household where the only time my mother screamed and ran was when my dad was trying to tickle her. At night time we'd drive to the beach for ice creams or do other things. I didn't know that there were households out there where men bashed their wives and their children and I grew up with a lot of support and a lot of love and I do count myself extremely lucky.

The double edged sword bit, however, is the fact that I wanted that for myself too.

I would look at my marriage and see that it wasn't the same and while I am realistic in the sense that I know no two relationships are identical, I expected some aspects of it. Like say, oh... the hand holding, or the time spent with the kids or something and because of how I grew up, it kind of kicked me in the pants when things didn't go the same way for me and I found myself wishing for what my parents have and what I had, growing up as a child.

I'm divorced now and I live on my own with my kids but they have good times and I've made sure they've got great memories when they get older and have children of their own and I still have a future ahead of me where I possibly have the chance to experience and enjoy the same love that my parents share, just a little later down the track than they did.

Today marks another anniversary for me.

This day, last year, I smoked my last cigarette and while I've had chest pains and a few other things that they don't tell you in their little quit brochures, it's all been worth it and even though there has been shit going on in my life like you wouldn't believe, I've not succumbed to the temptation even though there's been a couple of times when I've come close.

I was smoking 60 a day and I'd been smoking for 24 years and in all honesty, quitting wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

Posted By: Lint | 02:17 AM | Lint

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